As everyone knows, Charlie is the Queen of the Casa, and she’s quite protective of this title. When she heard that there was actually a band named “Queen”, she was not pleased at the effrontory, and took it upon herself to re-write their biggest hit to reflect the most important story of the last millennia: hers.
So here is the Queen’s interpretation of a classic,
Bravissimo Rhapsody
A basket of ten pups
Quite a large family
The runt of the litter
My childhood a calamity
My mom I surmise
Didn’t care that much for me…
I’m just a poor pup
At the base of the hierarchy
it was easy come, easy go
Siblings adopted out, to fates unknown
One by one they vanished, leaving just one waiting;
Just me…
(Piano)
Abandoned, on a county road
they hear my howls as they depart
It’s obvious they have no heart
But it’s too late, the car is gone
The only thing that’s been thrown away is me
Abandoned, oooo-oh oooo
I don’t want to starve
But If they’re not back again this time tomorrow
I’ll carry on, carry on
Because I know I matter.
How much time passed, I’ll never know
Standing hunched breaking my back
Ankle deep in my own crap
Oh how I raged, the crate that kept me caged
I still refuse to stop and face the truth
Mama, ooo-oh-ooo
Though I refuse to die
I sometimes wish I’d; never been born at all
(Guitar)
(Piano, staccato)
I hear a pair of bikes, approaching in the distance
Hondas! Hondas! Carving up the corners!
First they are not stopping, then the exhausts they start a popping, for me!
Galileo, Galileo,
Galileo, Galileo,
Galileo Figaro – magnifico!
(Uptempo)
But I’m just a poor dog and nobody loves me (she’s just a poor dog from a large family)
Cast open the crate, this monstrosity!
Easy come easy go (will you let me go)
Where will you stay? (we will not let you go)- let me go
Who’ll pay to spay? (We will not let you go)- let me go
There’s no possible way! (We will not let you go) let me go
Will not let you go let me go (never)
Never let you go let me go
Never let me go ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
The Casa del Whackos has put aside a place for me
For me
For me
(All guitars: crescen… er, vibrato… eh, whatever; crank the amps to 11 and twist the knobs off…)
So they thought they could desert and leave me to die?
Do they now see that I don’t just live but thrive?
Oh, lady, can’t do this to a lady
Just had to get free, no crate’s stopping me
I’m Charlie.
(Guitars continue)
(Piano, softly)
Everybody matters
It applies to you and me
Everybody matters
I’m Charlie….
(Anyway the wind blows…)
(Gong)
