In the year of our Dog 2020, at the precise hour of unknown origin, the opening sorties commenced of what would be known as the War of the Seven Inmates.
The initial skirmish began as a one sided affair inside the mind of Tinnitus Pullisimo; he had long been eyeing the status enjoyed Her Highness Charlemagne Bravissimo. The hostilities quickly manifested themselves in a physical manner, the usurper charging the Queen’s right flank.
The battle raged to and fro for hours, pitting The Lady’s superior agility and tactics against Pullo’s raw power. The other canine powers refused to be tempted onto the battlefield until an unforeseen occurrence actually occurred, which had not occured to anyone due to their preoccupation with the occurrence actually occuring before them: the previously politically neutral Lady Claireth of Bareth became possessed. And obsessed, her sanity recessed as she began tearing about the battlefield in a fit of unrepressed sanity. Even the Emperor Shortius Maximus who was watching the carnage from his throne was not safe from the viral insanity; the imperial guards Marcus Politus and Cer A Jax the Portly caught scent of the bloodlust and became assailants of the very personage they were sworn to protect.
Long since thought to be dormant in the breast of the old man, the ancient bloodlust of his forefathers began to smolder, then burst forth, in a barrage of commas, semicolons, and run-on sentences. The old man still had it, but would “it” be enough? Oh, wait! the Kanines had forgotten the number one Rule of Warfare: “youth and exhuberance will always be overcame by old age and treachery”. And finally the dad deployed his secret weapon;
The Mom.
Mom: ohhhhhh no, don’t get me involved in your petty squabbles… and I’m never again letting you idiots watch “Vikings” before bedtime.
