It appears that dad is going to need another operation, and this one might be doozy; he has been searching the World Wide Web for surgeons that might possibly be willing to attempt this daring new procedure, but so far has been unsuccessful.
Compounding this issue is the fact that, in addition to finding a surgical team that will take on this case and also accept his insurance, he also needs to find a suitable donor; as most transplanted organs expand or contract to accommodate their particulate recipients, it is very important that this particular organ be as similar to his own in size and color as is humanely possible, as to not draw undue attention. Mom is already uncomfortable enough with the possible social and personal ramifications of this procedure as it is, and her acceptance is critical to dad’s recovery. So, brace yourselves, here comes the bad news, and it ain’t pretty:
Dad needs a new hand.
Obviously the two he has are not enough, as there are multiple inmates that require his immediate attention the instant we realize that his breathing has changed and arising is imminent. Max is the first, creeping up onto his chest and peering into his face; as if waking up to the presence of a penetrating glare and a hairy Sam Elliot-worthy mustache is not off-putting enough, I begin using my impressive black probocis to ensure that the snooze button is not a viable option.
So, two hands, two dogs, so far not a problem.
Then Mia decides that she needs immediate validation as well; since Katana arrived, the Milk Gods have been VERY good to her, endowing her with an impressive milk bar that she feels that she has to show off to dad every morning, up close and personal, by standing on him until he CPO(commences petting operations).
In the Common Core math of the Casa del Whackos, 2+3=-1, and Max the Terminally Grumpy is the first to voice his displeasure at being neglected. This only serves to alert Echo that party time has started and she is missing out on the festivities, then mom just HAS to bring the puppy into the equation, and before you know it, anarchy reigns supreme.
So, where to surgically implant this extra hand? Dad has some ideas, but mom is lobbying for his right shoulder, as he already has an affinity for patting himself on the back; my vote is for his left ribcage, as he will be able to give me pats while driving, texting, sleeping, etc. Zach and Alex are both hoping for the center of dad’s chest, in the hopes that it will have the ability to clamp across his mouth before he has the opportunity to say something totally inappropriate and embarassing; this is a chronic condition with which he suffers, known to the layman as VD; verbal diarrhea.
I personally will veto the chest suggestion, as that hand would get so much action it wouldn’t have time to perform it’s assigned duty of spreading the lovin’s around between the inmates of the Casa!
I thought you really needed an organ… I think my heart stopped for a few secs. lol
My work here is done
I did find it strange when you said it must be the same colour..lol
(Smug)
As did I, Pam. I was thinking, “I’ve never heard of a colon transplant.”
Hahahaha. That’s a good one. Always love your posts.
Prankster!!
I’ll give you a hand !! Hope you don’t mind if it’s a left …
Haha so funny! Had me going for a minute.
This initially scared the po_p out of me. Glad to find it to be CB satire…..
Too funny! I was getting very concerned about dad ! Well played Charlie bravo!
Oh dear! Almost gave me heart failure. Was that the intention? I know just what you mean, Charlie. When I had Ruud, Purdy and Fiyero it was very difficult to give each equal attention – as they all demanded, at the same time. Life is easier now, but I’d rather have the same problem to deal with instead of mourning my beautiful black Lab Ruud .
You scared me. And I thought maybe I needed to be in touch to see if I was a match… Until you said it had to be the same color. Then I knew! Lol
You had me too. LOL
Well the mind was in a spin thinking why it had to be the same colour. You guys make me laugh
Omg that’s to funny, my dad had a heart transplant in 1997 so I was going to offer some advice if you wanted/needed it lol…after I read more I lol I spit diet met dew lol not a pretty site! Yea I can totally understand ya tho I have 2 dogs, 2 cats and my sons scorpion they all seem to need/want attention at the same time except the scorpion don’t pet him lol…sometimes I feel like I need another hand or 2…wanted to say love the new website Charlie and remember to take turns with your dad lol
Anywhere that he can slap himself cause I was already contemplating to donate! Have more than a few pounds he can have!! Just you wait mister!!
I was ready to go get tested to donate! As the sister of a kidney pancreas transplant I was drawn into your story.
Let me know how that works for you. We have 4 dogs, one being a 75 pound lab and 1 foster lab. I really need extra hands for petting and trying to block my face from all the doggie kisses.
Scared me there for a minute! I don’t think one extra hand would be enough…
Had me going there for a moment. Too funny!
Why stop at one extra hand? Why not two or even three more? Dad would probably be in high demand for numerous freak-show reality TV series to demonstrate his ability to pet numerous dogs simultaneously, not to mention all those “get more things done in less time” management gurus 🙂
Not a hand but I am giving you a finger right now….my heart dropped when I started reading happy you are fine DON’T DO THAT TO US AGAIN LOL your supporters truly do care and think of you as family
I try to monitor what that goofy girl posts, but she’s to quick for me; I’m getting old and slow
Ha! You totally had me going too! I gave a co-worker one of my kidneys 10 years ago so I was going to tell everyone that it’s not too difficult of a procedure and encourage any potential donor to step up and help! Alas, I don’t think I’ll find a hand donor though! 🙂
Ha! You totally had me going too! I gave a co-worker one of my kidneys 10 years ago so I was going to tell everyone that it’s not too difficult of a procedure and encourage any potential donor to step up and help! Alas, I don’t think I’ll find a hand donor though! 🙂
God bless you!!!
You really had me worried!!!!!
Good one Charlie!!
Good grief….. my heart dropped as I was reading this. Charlie, you need to ban dad from the laptop for a while. 😉
Scared me for a minute ….I will give you one to smack you lol
Charlie-your human is a nut
So I read the start and thought, well we do kidneys at my hospital I could get him fast teacked with an appoitNmtent, etc. then I read the rest”. You got me but you are so right, go over 2 dogs and there is a hand shortage
Lol
Thanks for the smile! Well wishes to all!
oooooooooooh my!!! can only smh now. lol. love ya’s!!! 🙂
heeheeheee!!! the picture says it all!
They can take turns and learn to like it!
Hey, dad. You had me going for awhile too. I was getting ready to make a donation for the transplant!
We are at your mercy, dad re transplants. You had me going too. Blessings to all at the Casa del Wackos!
I knew from the photo what you were going to write. But a bunch of people here will donate a foot…….I think you should get a joey pouch, like a kangaroo, and just carry all the dogs with you.
Lmao
Oh my. I was really worried for a little bit. Wow. Lol.
I too have often wished for one more hand! Great story. If you are ever up in north central Michigan, I’d love to give you a tour of our shelter.
You really had me going for a bit. I was wondering what organ I might be able to donate! LOL
Thinking of you all…love and prayers coming your way xxx
OMG my heart almost stopped until you had me laughing!! I too do not have enough hands for my three at times so I understand.
Don’t scare us like that!!
Charlie, you little stinker!
Ack! I got scared there, you trickster!
“Dad”, I may have to kill you. Or, barring that, I may have to have a little sip of wine to recover. You’re such a goof Hon.
Probably should have started with too many dogs, not enough hands and then gone into the whole “need a surgeon” thing.
Scared me, Charlie! Thank goodness you were running us…. Would be nice to have two extra hands, tho, wouldn’t it? Give dad a kiss for me, you know he love kisses.
Grrrrrr……..woof…………meow………….had me going for a moment. Thought the farm was sold and we were going to have to foster some canines so OUR house. WAIT! I like that idea about the foster………wink wink.