Dad here; colorectal cancer is the third most common cancer diagnosed in both men and women in the United States; well, it isn’t going to get me. This is why I’m getting my plumbing snaked first thing in the AM, so I guess you know what I’ll be doing tonight. To “pass” the time and with apologies to the Bee Gees, I debase myself for your entertainment with my version of ‘Staying Alive”…
Well you can tell by the way I awkward walk
I’ve done my colon prep no time to talk
All my dogs had better clear the way
if I trip on them there’s hell to pay
And now it’s not alright, it’s not okay
You’d better look the other way
If you’ve seen a flood
you’ll understand
How Miralax affects a man
Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother, stay outta my way, outta my way
Feel the bowels abreakin’ and my colon is aquakin’
Stay outta my way, outta my wayalive
Oh, oh, oh, oh outta my way, outta my way
Oh, oh, oh, oh, outta my wayyyyy-ayyyyy-yaaaay-ayyyy.
Well now, I get low and I get high
But I can’t stray too far though I really try
Got the wings of Hermes on my shoes
I better scamper quick and I can’t lose
It’ll be alright, it’ll be okay
I’ll live to see another day
That’s twenty pounds I can do without
When my guts turn inside out
Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother, stay outta my way, outta my way
Feel the toilet breakin’ and my wife she is aquakin’
Stay outta my way, outta my wayalive
Oh, oh, oh, oh outta my way, outta my way
Oh, oh, oh, oh, outta my wayyyyy-ayyyyy-yaaaay-ayyyy.
I’m goin’ nowhere, just my phone to keep me company
Somebody help me
Can you spare a square of super-sized TP?
I’m goin’ nowhere, until daylight’s coming ’round to rescue me
Then they’ll snake my plumbing
And take what’s left of all my dignity
(AHHHHHHHH!!!!)
Well, I’ve been up and I’ve been down
In nothing else ‘cept a paper gown
That cold hard floor is giving me the blues
That’s why I strutting ’round in naught but shoes
My wife is coming soon to take me away
I’d hate to hear what the staff will say
That I need help
is understood
But I’m hitting the Waffle House for food
Scattered, fried and smothered, I don’t care about the other,
here comes the buffet, comes the buffet
Super size the table, and bring some extra maple
Stay outta my way, outta my way
Oh, oh, oh, oh outta my way, outta my way
Oh, oh, oh, oh, outta my wayyyyy-ayyyyy-yaaaay-ayyyy.
