The following are the Ten Commandments as originally carried down from atop Mt Casa in the beginning:
(Cue religious music)
Thou shalt have no other dogs before me.
Thou shalt not closeth the bathroom door.
Thou shall not utter the “G” word in vain (go?)
Be not miserly with the belly rubs, yea, continue on until I hearken “enough!”
Thou shalt not feign sleep when I would rise, neither shalt thou rise when I would slumber.
Thou shalt not replace carpet with wood flooring, as scooting without friction is merely smearing.
Thou shalt not commit adultery(if I cannot, why shalt thou?)
Thou shalt not giveth me of the dry bread of the burger, nor of the pickle, but of the beef and cheese thereof.
Thou shalt not close the lid on the porcelain bowl, that I might quench my thirst in the bathroom without so journeying across the wasteland of the hall to the kitchen.
Be ever mindful that I saved you as you saved me, and testify accordingly.
Amen.
While these are my Commandments, my will, and the will of the other inmates of the Casa del Whackos, is limited to merely ten. Some amendments and additions…
Ajax:
Thou shalt not even utter the name of another dog.
Thou shalt not expect to converse with thine spouse without having a tongue inserted repeatedly between thine lips.
What is mine is mine, and what is thine is mine.
Mia:
Thou shalt never suspect mine holiness of any wrongdoings, as mom is assured of my assured infallibility.
Thou shalt arise at 0400 to letteth me out, only to letteth me back in at a time that no man knoweth, but shall be announced by the sound of the back door being reduced to kindling.
Charlie:
Thou shalt not start the motorcycle merely as a pretense to get me in the garage.
Thou shalt not expect to mow the yard without me riding the mower as well, no matter how this might inconvenience others.
Sandy:
Thou shalt not mow the back yard without expecting me to stop and pee directly in front of the mower at least four score times.
Sandy and Charlie:
Do not expect to traverse the domain of the Casa del Whackos without experiencing soft tissue damage as a result of our cavortings.
Neither shalt thou deploy the water hose and attempt to get any work done; cease thine labors immediately and minister to our desires to be squirted directly in the jowls.
The inmates, en masse:
Thou shalt not expect to ever have a guilt-free meal without an octet of eyes watching every move of the fork.
The Hummingbirds:
ChirpchirpchirpchirpchirpchirpCHIRPCHIRP#%$&CHIRPING$%$CHIRP!!!(as this is a family-friendly page, this is untranslatable; those feathered little ingrates are severely lacking in moral fiber)
Chirpchirpchirpchirpchirpchirp(and yes, I do realize that you can and no doubt have deposited in my coffee on many a Sunday morning; believe it or not, I do know the difference between non-dairy creamer and “processed” sugar water).
Amen.
