One of dad’s strongly held beliefs is that you never have to worry about entering your second childhood if you absolutely refuse to leave your first. This may explain why fart jokes and scare pranks are essentially the Balm of Gilead around the Casa del Whackos; this is NOT the place to visit if you’re expecting polite conversation and sophisticated humor.
But sometimes even dad’s approaching senility begins to rear its ugly head, an example: the hummingbird feeders out back have been replaced with all-you-can-eat bird buffets out front. Picture this: dad peering through the front door window, pasty legs encased like sausages in Captain America pajamas. Mom and Oba have been up awhile and have already inhaled enough coffee to fuel a USMC battalion, and have left dad high and dry with no caffiene to somewhat smooth out the wrinkles of his age-addled brain. To mom’s great enjoyment, he exclaims, not once, but twice:
“Look, mom, there’s a wood-headed red pecker!”
So in honor of his rapidly approaching one way trip to Dementiaville, I have compiled the following to help him with his diminished communication skills: senior texting codes for Dad.
ATD: At The Doctor
BFF: Best Friend Farted
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
IMHO: Is My Hearing Aid On?
LOL: Living On Lipitor
FYI: Found Your Insulin
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
ROFLCGU: Rolling on Floor Laughing Can’t Get Up
GLKI: Gotta Go Laxative Kicking in
CBM: Covered By Medicare
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
GGLKI: Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas
PIMP: Pooped In My Pants
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WTF: Wet The Furniture
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On!
LFO: Laughed Fart Out
FWB: Friend With Beta blockers
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
LTSOFFH: Left Turn Signal On Far From Home
IBSS: Irritable Bowel Syndrome Sucks
IMHO: Is My Hearing Aid On?
WLTBCRW: Would Love To, But Can’t Remember Why
And the following perusing to the inmates…
YAGO: Yark Alert, Get Outside
TTFFA: Toilet Time Free For All
ACTFYO: All Chairs Taken Find Your Own
CPFHP: Closet Place For Hidden Poop
NCOL: No Crevice Off Limits
JBIWBO: Just Back In, Want Back Out
MYFLYS: Move Your Feet, Lose Your Seat
IMWL: It’s Mine, Will Lick
WYIMWMIM: What’s Yours is Mine, What’s Mine is Mine
Getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative!
Happy Charlie Bravo Day!
