The Charlie Bravo Story

Miss Ellie here…

I took dad, Charlie, and Max on a trip up the Natchez Trace Parkway last week, over five hundred miles without a hitch, but did dad mention how flawlessly I performed? Nooooooo….

On the contrary; as is so often the case when dealing with the elderly, every hint of a foul vapour is a reason to suspect another leak underneath my hood. Dad would panic at the slightest whiff, whipping over to the shoulder and perform very revealing examinations in full view of other cars whizzing by on the motorway; how would he like it if someone flipped his skirt up over his head and started poking around in his vitals?

So I’ve been steaming about it ever since; when mom and dad went shopping yesterday for a new car for his job, I saw my chance for revenge. Even though I know that my position at the Casa is secure, that doesn’t hinder me from being a vindictive old biddy, sometimes for no othet reason than just because I can.

So they spent waaaaay too long all googly-eyed over the latest and greatest in modern technology, which gave me plenty of time to hatch a plan to remind them who was the brightest star in the automotive firmament. When on the way home, they stopped at the Taco Smell drive though, I decided to stage a hunger strike, and laid down and refused to budge. As the drive through was only one lane, dad had no choice but to get out and push, in full view of the line of honking cars behind us waiting VERY impatientlyfor their daily dose of flatulence inducing manna. And did I mention that this drive emptied out onto one of busiest thoroughfares in the city?

But my revenge was not yet complete.

So he has my skirt up, looking at my internals with a frowny face like he actually knows what he’s doing, when a crack head strolls by and says, “cool car! My mom used to have one just like it!”

Dad narrowed the problem down to either my battery or alternator; he was somewhat fortunate that the nearest auto parts store was only a quarter mile away, so he had no choice to pull the battery and start walking. Mom suggested that he shanghai a shopping cart from the nearby Dollar store; he refused under the belief that the only thing that could make him look any more like a homeless person would be wearing a shower cap and muttering to himself.

Mom said that there were many more similarities than just those two; dad was not pleased.

So instead, dad elected to carry the battery, first on one shoulder then the other, trudging down Main Street like a pale Kalahari bushman striding across the Serengeti with his belongings on his head, with mom trotting dutifully in his wake like some sort of transient geisha girl. After getting a charge put on the battery, the Trek of Shame was then reversed.

The official diagnosis was a failed alternator, but I have my own definition: operational interruptus aggravated by acute mechanical angst.

As retribution, Dad has me in Quiet Time at the Casa; doesn’t he realize that this just gives me more time to orchestrate my next tantrum?

It’s always a party at the Casa!

Join the discussion

  1. Faith Kidwell

    Omg! I could picture this whole Tory in my head while reading it as I sit in my car laughing my butt off!

  2. Sherry Ralph Jadrnak

    But…what happened to the tacos??

  3. Dee Soulier

    way to go Ms Ellie… and thank you for the wonderful laugh i need that today….omg the picture in my head will stay there all day.

  4. Diane Brannon-Keech

    Just a gentle reminder on how to treat a lady….a little discretion next time there Dad! Don’t get mad…..get even!

  5. Claudia Burris

    Revenge is sweet until you get put in time out !

  6. Susan Dignan

    Indeed….Miss Ellie’s privates should not become publics.

  7. Kim Griffin

    Thanks for the laugh. I needed that!

  8. Jan Davis

    Miss Ellie, you go girl, demand respect..

  9. Jeanne Mancinelli

    Miss Ellie, you do have a way with words! Perhaps dad will spend some time giving you a bath and a shiny wax job … To unruffled your feathers( fenders?)

  10. Elaine McLemore

    I just died laughing! I pictured this whole scene in my head! Lol

  11. Leigh Pevreal

    Brilliant! I feel that dad is getting more out-numbered by the day, you go gurl!

  12. Kathy Moody

    If only we had a picture. Your words tell us all.

  13. Cathy Brown

    I see a comic strip in the making!!!!

  14. Duane Tebbetts

    You’re a very bad girl. Dad is going to put you in the backyard and only let you out on weekends.

  15. Fran Scott

    That was truly the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I’m glad I was at home; had I been reading this out in public, someone would have sworn out a Mental Health Warrant on me…”this old lady has finally lost all her marbles”…:)

  16. Gail Morse

    Wow, Miss Ellie, you & Charlie girl do have a lot in common, always up to something that has all of us laughing our heads off, as they say, It’s always a party at The Casa, you rock dad ❤❤

  17. Glenn Ryan

    Asshole parking – beginner status ?

  18. Diane Ragusett

    Miss Ellie, I am hysterically laughing out loud right now! Good timing for me because it’s been a difficult week. Keep your skirt down, Miss Ellie!!

  19. Lisa Taylor

    Im sick with bronchitis thanks for making me smile laugh and cough lol

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