2020 Twas the night before Charkmas at the Casa del Whackos Four feet in my back from a dog that's so blackos And mom running her chainsaw way off to my right Guaranteeing this will be a long winter night The dogs were sprawled out all over the bed With not one but two more crammed against the side of my head Marco 'neath the covers, between my white legs Looking less like a dog,…

Who knew that royalty could be so obnoxious? Sure, I guess the Tudor's tended to be a bit boisterous, what with all the beheading and other anti-social activity going on, but the royals I had become accustomed seem to be a bit more boring. Their activities seem to swing to those of a more mundane nature, such as wearing hats, standing around looking either bored or constipated, and riding around in carts waving at the…

Dad here, speaking up in defense of 2020. I dislike bullies so much that I even feel a bit of pity for a span of days that every one seems willing to pile onto because we're repeatedly told that it's evil. Have you ever considered that certain things are considered "bad" because they're not taken in the proper context? Sure, I grieve at the loss of many good people, but I rejoice at the fact…

Hey I was just a skinny dog A plastic crate was my gulag But I knew life was beyond my Cell Block C, huh Now I've got a big black fanny My transformation was uncanny Big bad daddy, you made royalty out of me Hey hey! C'mon! Oh, we gona hit the road tonight Oh, following that round headlight Oh, gonna let my tongue hang out Fat bottomed dog, I make the spinning wheels go…

Dad here; hate is a very strong word, and words mean things. I would like to say that I have no hatred for anyone, but "bullies" are a breed I struggle with refraining from hating, so let's just say I have "abject aversion". And this goes for all bullies, from the playgrounds to the politicians to the pompous ones hiding behind their pulpits, or even the most toxic bully we all face right now: A…

I don't mean to be that guy that milks every bit of sympathy from a tragic situation in a cry for attention. But I'm also that guy that rides around the country with a dog on a motorcycle and routinely tells personal details that should definitely not be told, so it's pretty obvious that I'm already half a bubble off of level. And besides, Ajax deserves a better send off than he has received, and…

Why do these situations always seem to happen at night? When I was a sprout spending time on my grandparents cattle farm, you could bet money that if a cow was going to have issues throwing a calf, it would be 4 AM, in the rain, and probably below freezing. The same seems to be true with dogs, whether it's with a litter of pups or with an adult with a debilitating condition; again, 4…