It was brought to my attention that, due to the addition of Claire Bear and Titus Pullo, I needed to update this song… so here ya go:
And a one and a two…
Well I don’t know why I try to lay here at night,
I get the feeling that the floor I’ll soon bite
I’m so scared I haven’t slept in two weeks
Clutching the mattress edge between my butt cheeks
Charlie’s to the left of me,
The hard floor to the right, the other two
Stuck in the middle with you.
I dont know what I’m supposed to do
It’s the same thing when we camp in the tent
A motel with twin beds is money well spent
Charlie thinks a sleeping bag for one should sleep two
There’s no keeping her out, that much is true
She’s wedged to the left
I sleep crammed to the right, the other two
Stuck in the middle with you.
God forbid they should have to doo doo
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face,
When accusations of bed sheet stealing take place
They’re the only thing in bed I control
As to keep from falling out, to them I hold
Charlie to the left of me
Yawning abyss to the right, the other two
Stuck in the middle with you.
I don’t know what I’m gonna do
We’ve since added two to the pack
Claire and Titus, with his sad sack
At this rate, the bed seems to shrink
I always seem to wake to the stink
Of their feet in my grill
Like a Fritos landfill
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you
I’m immigrating to Timbuktu
And when we hit the Sonic for lunch
Not just one dog, the whole stinking bunch
Feels entitled to go, this is true
The van like the Old Lady who lived in a shoe
The dogs hog the tots, leave my stomach in knots, hunger pains
Stuck in the Chevy with you
Next time, I’ll forego the drive through
The only thing that will cause you to budge
No matter how I poke, pry, or nudge
Is that unwelcome sound in the dark
Of one of your dogs starting to yark
Charlie to the left of me
Nothing to fear to my right, pile of goo, which is
Stuck in the middle with you.
I’ll just bet you wish we’d thought this deal through…
