Predawn is not the time to be an inmate or warden at the Casa del Whackos if you have ANY claustrophobia issues; the best you can hope for is to wake up partially mummified in a sarcophagus constructed entirely of dogs.
Then when Max the Sentinel detects the slightest change in breathing, he takes up his position on dad’s chest that he might have a front row seat to the impending party; this is Mia’s sign to pounce as well, usually unseating Max, and begin her vital ear cleaning services. Nipple removal is also available as one of her offerings, as she will place her paws on dad then arch her back effectively transforming her feet into micro meathooks; dad’s shrieks of agony are mom’s sign to thickly mumble dad’s marching orders to “get those dang dogs outside”, so the claustrophobic clan migrates en masse down the hall and into the dewy back yard to perform our morning ablutions.
Then, our hooves covered with with a mixture of grass clippings and dew, it’s back to the bed and time to really amp things up. Dad always thinks that he’ll snag another few minutes of shut eye, but he should possibly consult another psychic hotline, as the one he has been using is woefully underinformed. With the whole Casa at our disposal, we decide that on top of dad is the best place to stage WWIII, and the bed dissolves into a hairy mass of thrashing, snarling, hunching, panting, harking, flouncing, dog flesh. By this point, mom has wisely retreated to the couch, and dad declares “no mas” and heads for the showers for some solitude of his own. Yeah right; if a shower is good enough for him, it’s good enough for me, so I nose the door open and issue my own personal invitation.
So by the time he actually drags his bedraggled behind out to the car and towards another day in the salt mines, we inmates are thoroughly exhausted as well. We will spend our day wisely, recouping our strength and planning our strategy, so when he returns we can continue our utter domination; kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down, is our creed.
It’s great to be the Queen of the Casa!