The Charlie Bravo Story


Psst! I think I saw his eyes move!

Shhh… its better if he doesn’t realize we’re all staring at him, and he thinks he’s waking up on his own.

But I have to pee!

Ajax, you ALWAYS have to pee; crowd in even closer, focus and direct your pee thoughts directly into dad’s mind, and he’ll have no choice but to get up, or he’ll end up pottying on himself.

But the more I focus, the more I have to go! I have a condition; My bladder is the size of a pistachio, and my will power non-existent!

Heyyyy… what are y’all whispering about over there? Can’t you see I have my butt mashed up against dad’s ear? I’m in no hurry to move. Plus, it’s cool outside; I’m fine right where I’m at…

Claire, you’re ALWAYS fine right where you’re at, at least when there’s a bed involved, but some of us are ready to get this party started… let’s call in the reinforcements!

Speaking of reinforcements, where are the other inmates?

Mom vacated the northern territories of the bed sometime last night, and Marco and Mia went with her.

Well, there’s the answer; no one on the planet has better perfected the art of passive aggressiveness more than Marco Polo. Call him in here; he’ll burrow under the cover enroute to his customary spot between dad’s legs, then he(dad, not Marco) will begin to dream that he has miraculously grown an additional appendage and shall henceforth be known along the border as “Tres Huevos”. No middle-aged man on earth man sleep through THAT nightmare.

Nightmare? After what the vet did to me, that’s the ultimate dream! And I still have to pee!

Alright, Ajax, this is the plan. We’ll begin reenacting the First Battle of Bitey Mouth; when dad wakes up and tries to arise, we’ll all pile on, making it impossible for him to move. Then I will stifle his cries for assistance from mom with my massive tongue, you can check his molars for cavities with yours, and Claire, you can just lay there doing what you do best. That will alert Mia and Marco that it’s time to rise and shine, and Marco can scamper in here to drag his nether regions across dad’s face, Mia can perform a nipplectomy without benefit of anesthesia with her talons, and presto! We’re all outside!

All this sounds great in theory, but we had better put it into practice post haste…

What’s the rush, Ajax?

I still have to pee, and my bladder not getting any larger!

Happy Charlie Bravo Day!

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